The New Sudoku Players' Forum

[999_Springs]

I would like to start a thread about Ikea, so this will be it.

What are your opinions on Ikea?

I HATE IKEA!!!

[tarek]

Flat-pack land...... I hate it

tarek

[mikejapan]

A massive Ikea has just opened in Funabashi, Japan. It's currently a very trendy and cheap place to go, but the coffee's horrible. Everything is very brightly-coloured. My wife likes it. It's pronounced "i-K-uh" (as in tick-day-her).

My wife bought some plates, knives, forks, spoons and a shoe horn (all plastic!)

That's all I know.

[mikejapan]

And some cups (plastic)

[mikejapan]

IKEA could stand for Innovative Kitchen Easy-living Accessories, but it probably doesn't.

[udosuk]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IKEA

[999_Springs]

There are thirty-three reasons (edit: thirty-four reasons - I just thought of another one) why I hate Ikea. Do you want me to post them to you? I have only visited the store once and on that occasion I took paper and pencil and wrote them down as I walked through the store. I needed three sheets of paper, even though I have small handwriting.

[mikejapan]

I am completely indifferent to Ikea, but sympathise with any individual who has a bone to pick with any large organisation (I once had a long battle with Lloyds bank), so I would love to read the 33 reasons why you hate Ikea.

(Just out of interest, if you usually make it a habit of taking pencil and paper with you and making notes when you go shopping somewhere for the first time, can we also see some of the notes on other shops?)

[999_Springs]

Ten days have passed. Only THREE people have posted their opinions on the store. (Does that mean only 3 people have ever visited the store!!??) I want people's opinions on it!

I would love to read the 34 reasons why you hate Ikea.

I'll keep the suspense going until more people have posted their opinions on Ikea.

Does anyone here like Ikea?
Am I the only person here to have visited this page by typing in "999 Springs" into Google and clicking on the links?

[mikejapan]

Maybe if you post the reasons, you'll get people replying?

Over 250 people have looked at my K2 puzzles in the "variant" section, but nobody has posted a comment. And nobody posted any comment on my killer albumbs thread.

[999_Springs]

Maybe if you post the reasons, you'll get people replying?

O.K. I think that that is enough suspense so I will post the reasons even though only 3 people on these forums visit the store.

1. Ikea has arrows and footsteps on the floor. This means that Ikea is a store for people who cannot orientate themselves.
2. Ikea lets people sit on their chairs and sleep on their beds. This means that naughty people come and urinate/defecate on the furniture, giving a bad impression of the shop.
3. A picture of an Ikea mug in the catalogue shows a hole in the bottom of it. [edited: No longer applicable now that they have released a new catalogue without this problem.]
4. Ikea sells 'cheap rubbish' but it does not sell digital cameras.
5. According to Wikipedia, a historic building had to be destroyed for an Ikea store to be created.
6. There is graffiti at Ikea's entrance. This gives a bad impression of the shop.
7. Some places in Ikea smell awful.
8. Ikea can't spell 'hand cream'. (Hand creme!?)
9. Ikea has a 1.5-seat armchair. People do not come in halves.
10. Ikea has a 3.5-seat sofa. Ditto.
11. Ikea's idea of a 'Panel Curtain' is a piece of paper with holes cut in it. It is 3m by 0.6m and costs ?14.99.
12. Ikea's Allak Swivel Chairs make a bad sound when sat on.
13. Ikea's clocks don't work.
14. Some of Ikea's staff don't turn their computers off when they are not using them.
15. Neither their fridges nor their coffee-makers work.
16. In Room 28 of Ikea Wembley, the microwave is placed directly on top of the fridge, which is wrong.
17. There is litter all over the floor, and a lot of it.
18. Ikea's kitchen furniture is badly shaped. And their beds too. (Circular beds!!?)
19. Ikea's Bathroom Series displays stuff from Tesco. That is just stupid.
20. Ikea thinks that 'accessories' is spelt with only one 'c'.
21. Ikea is obsessed with keeping things as flat as possible. This means that eventually Ikea will become 2-D.
22. Ikea does not know how to use apostrophes.
23. Ikea is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY BORING.
24. Ikea has graffiti all over their toilet seats. Also, one of their toilet seats is made from metal.
25. Ikea has lightbulbs in very bad shapes ever, including 'flat' lightbulbs.
26. In a few areas there are HOLES in the floor.
27. Ikea's measuring tapes are prone to rips and tears and so are not accurate.
28. Ikea's sausages are hard and their bacon is somewhat salty and hard.
29. Ikea's plastic bags are heavily overpriced.
30. Ikea sells hot dogs for 50p each. This is a severe case of cruelty to animals. (Am I taking this too literally?)
31. Ikea's pencils sometimes break when dropped.
32. Ikea's queues are very slow.
33. Ikea's products mostly have unpronounceable names.
34. IKEA DOES NOT SELL SU-DOKUS!!!

The reasons are in no particular order.
Reason 34 is the most important.
I am now in the Top 100 Posters!!!

[999_Springs]

[deleted]

[ikea-spokesperson]

Thankyou for taking the time to write about our store. We value all contributions from customers and I would like to take this opportunity to respond to your points one by one.

1. Our customers are stupid
2. Some are so stupid they get lost and spend weeks trying to get out
3. You were looking at the mug upside-down
4. Ikea is a home-furnishing store, not Dixons
5. In 1000 years, all Ikea buildings will be historic
6. The graffiti is art
7. The bad smell zones are to encourage store mobility
8. It's Swedish
9. For fat, stupid customers
10. For very fat, stupid customers
11. That's what a panel curtain looks like
12. You should only swivel clockwise
13. They weren't wound up
14. The staff had just nipped off for a second to wind up the clocks
15. They weren't plugged in
16. It's better than a fridge on a microwave
17. It was the annual womble drill day
18. We cater for every size and posture
19. Tesco's is a subsidiary of Ikea
20. It's Swedish
21. Our corporate goal is to achieve 1-D one day
22. Why did you write "does not" and not "doesn't"
23. Ikea is a home-furnishing store, not Disneyland
24. Art and art deco
25. Art and art deco
26. Air-conditioning
27. Built-in obsolescence
28. Defrost it first
29. Eco-friendly. We don't want people to buy them
30. We have to do something with all the stupid customers who can't get out and eventually die of hunger in the store.
31. So do eggs
32. Because the check out personnel have to fit sofas into plastic bags
33. They're Swedish
34. Ikea is a home-furnishing store, not Toys-R-Us

We hope this answers all your queries and look forward to your continued patronage of our stores.

Yours sincerely

Eric Goran Svenson

[MCC]

I was going to post a similar response the other day but only got up to No. 19, ikea-spokesperson's post has prompted me to finish them off

No offence intended

1. A good idea, if you keep your head down and follow the arrows and footprints you can go through the whole store without looking at anything.
2. Where are the homeless to stay?
3. Well obviously the hole is to let the tea leaves out.
4. Would you rather they sold 'dear rubbish'?
5. The historic building was razed to the ground thereby flattening it. Someone somewhere has a flattened historic building they're trying to assemble.
6. The graffiti is probably by Banksy and therefore modern art.
7. Do these places have nostrils?
8. How about: Burt's Bees Beeswax & Banana Hand Crème
9. A lot more people are obese nowadays.
10. See answer to No.9.
11. They're for people who can't wallpaper, just hang them on the walls.
12. These chairs come wiith a free 'Whoopie' cushion.
13. At least they're right twice a day.
14. The person who turns the computers on, is on leave.
15. Considering the state of their chairs, would you like to sit and drink coffee.
16. Would you have the fridge on top of the microwave?
17. These litters, are they addressed to anyone?
18. Probably because of all the people sitting on them.
19. It probably been dropped by a Tesco shopper.
20. The (')'s are a sign that the "c" is to be repeated.
21. It's to keep postage down and to fit letter-boxes.
22. Stupid people do'nt understand how to use apostrophe's
23. You're not one of those people that sleep on the beds are you?
24. See answer to No.6.
25. See answer to No. 21.
26. These are European toilets. Doh!
27. This is to stop stupid people nicking them.
28. This is to increase their sell-by date.
29. For an art work it's incredibly cheap.
30. I think you'll find that cold-dogs are deceased and the selling of dead animals is against the law.
31. It's a problem IKEA are looking into i.e., Rubber pencils.
32. Ideal proof of their stupidity. If you don't understand look here (Slow = mentally challenged).
33. See answer to No.32.
34. They're not stupid, they know that you can get sudoku's free on the web.

MCC

[ikea-spokesperson]

Great minds think alike (fools and idiots seldom differ)

Or as they say in Sweden, "The reindeer and the moose drink from the same fijord"