The New Sudoku Players' Forum

[Hud]

Sorry if you've seen these. I believe every joke in the history of humanity has been around the internet several times.

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''
***********
KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old, Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~


A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
"Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~


I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord 's Prayer
for several evenings at bedtime,
she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,"but deliver us some E-mail.
~~~~~~


One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~


A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are
sleeping."
~~~~~


Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're Hushers."
~~~~~~


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over whom would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~


A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~


A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

[Cec]

"Sorry if you've seen these..."

Very good Hud and no, I hadn't heard these before. I'll try this church joke but I'm not sure about the censorship board.?

Whilst on his routine house calls, the local minister asked non-believer George why he was upset. George replied he had lost his bike. The minister suggested George should come to church next Sunday and he would pray for George to get a "sign".

With nothing to lose George went to church after which the minister asked him whether the service helped. "Too right it did" said George, "when you got to the Ten Commandments and the bit about not committing adultery, that's when I remembered where I left my bike".
Cec

[Hud]

Good one Cec. Now I wish I'd have kept some of the many church related jokes I've gotten over the years. Years ago when I was a kid I attended Sunday School. I got in trouble with my mom and she made me attend a month of regular church services after the Sunday Schools. Before one service, the minister asked if we had any sermon suggestions. I said "make it short". He used that line in his sermon.

[Cec]

That's taken me back Hud many, many years - if only my sudoku was as good as my joke memory I'd be laughing
Cec

[Ruud]

The Press were on hand to greet the last living member of the ancient Fakawi tribe. They jump up and down in the long grass of the jungle shouting "We're the Fakawi!".

On-topic.

[emm]

Who said "Ruud For Moderator!"

[Cec]

Who said "Ruud For Moderator!"

Thanks emm - You've relieved my worries about myself in thinking what I was thinking
Cec

[angusj]

[Cec]

Good one Angus - now back to my homework to learn how to post such images
Cec

[angusj]

Good one Angus

I hesitated in posting it because the implicit theology of the first two paragraphs is *so* wrong. However, this is counter balanced by the very healthy theology of the final paragraph.